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Patriots Fire Longtime Director of Football Cheating
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Patriots Fire Longtime Director of Football Cheating
DJ Gallo Jan 29th, 2015 0 Comment

The New England Patriots today announced they have parted ways with David Granger, the team’s Director of Football Cheating since 2000, and the man thought by many to be the true reason for the franchise’s success over the past decade and a half.

“With all of the allegations and cheating that has been revealed of late, we thought it was time to let David go,” said Patriots owner Robert Kraft. “It’s time we move in a new direction and bring in someone else with a fresh approach to cheating.”

Kraft said Granger conceived of, and implemented, deflating the team’s balls and illegally filming the defensive signals and practices of opponents “among countless other cheating initiatives no one knows about that I attribute almost all of our wins to over the past 14 years.”

But the owner continued: “However, one of his biggest job requirements was for these cheating programs to never be uncovered so this organization could continue to be considered as the paradigm of NFL virtue. He knows he has fallen short there and that his cheating programs have not worked in recent postseasons and Super Bowls. We thank him for his service. But this firing was the only possible outcome.”

With the team’s Director of Football Cheating let go, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell said today that he no longer intends to pursue any investigation or punishment of the Patriots. “They have handled this internally and dealt with the person at fault,” said the commissioner.

Patriots head coach Bill Belichick will control the team’s cheating in the Super Bowl and will continue to do so until a replacement is found.
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