[packerpeter]

..das war zu gut um es euch vorzuenthalten:
April 14th 2010

Excited Demolition Crew Goes Ahead and Explodes Cowboys Stadium, Too

After demolishing Texas Stadium in front of crowd of thousands of cheering spectators, the demolition crew was so inspired by the passion and enthusiasm of the fans that they hastily rigged up explosives to the nearby $1.15 billion dollar Cowboys Stadium and imploded that as well.

"As far as implosions go, this was a huge success," said a giddy demolition crew chief Gerald Hearst, who struggled to hold back his happiness. "Usually we just blow up one thing and leave. But the crowd really wanted it this time. It felt like I was in a band and the crowd was demanding an encore."

A crowd of 20,000 gathered to witness the destruction, many of whom drove from Irving to Arlington to see the second explosion, calling more friends to join them along the way.

Cowboys Stadium, the now former home of the Dallas Cowboys, opened in 2009 and the Cowboys played there until the end of the 2009 season, including one post-season apperance. It was a piece of Texas football history, playing host to such momentous events as the Cowboys' 37-21 victory over the Falcons in Week 5 of last season and the Cowboys' 38-17 victory over the Seahawks in Week 6 of last season.

"I wasn't expecting it to be so emotional," Harold Keynes, an onlooker and lifetime Cowboys fan, said to reporters. "And I definitely wasn't expecting them to blow up two stadiums in a row."

Added Keynes: "I'm really glad they did, though. It was awesome."

Thousands of pounds of dynamite were used in the initial explosion, and another several thousands of pounds that reportedly just happened to be lying around were also used in the second explosion.

"Seeing Texas Stadium go was like saying goodbye to an old friend," former Cowboys cheerleader Cindy Grainger told reporters. "Seeing Cowboys Stadium go was like saying goodbye to that kid in your class who you never really knew to but you always thought you'd get along if you did actually talk to each other."

"Yeah! F--k the Cowboys!" said an Eagles fan who was in Dallas on business. "This is the greatest day of my life!"

Following the two major blasts, the demolition crew salvaged enough pounds of dynamite to blow up other arenas in Texas, including American Airlines Center, Minute Maid Park, whatever it's called where the Houston Texans play, and the Alamo.

[Redskins90]

Ich hätte nur zu gern gezündet.
roflroflroflrofl

[packerpeter]

... und weiter gehts:

April 13th 2010
Steely McBeam Accused of Sexual Assault at Pittsburgh Gay Bar

The reputation of the Pittsburgh Steelers likely took another hit today with the news that Steely McBeam, the team's official mascot, has been accused of sexual assault in an incident late last night at a downtown Pittsburgh gay bar.

According to a police report, McBeam was performing in a Village People revue at Steel Rodds Bar. During a brief intermission, he followed another performer into a small bathroom where they were planning to change -- McBeam into the Indian costume, his accuser into the construction worker -- and allegedly forced himself on the man.

"The accuser describes the assailant as 6-foot-4 with a large, cotton-poly blend, stuffed penis," said Pittsburgh police chief David Palambo at a press conference this morning. "He claims McBeam held him down with a Styrofoam, faux-steel bar and assaulted him."

McBeam was initially questioned at the scene and responded to all of the officers' questions by waving a Terrible Towel above his head. Witnesses say he and his accuser had been drinking Cruzan Mango Rum concoctions all night.

The mascot has hired an attorney and also his own investigator, McGruff the Crime Dog, to aid his defense. So far police have not requested a DNA sample because "I don't know if mascots ejaculate," said a police spokesperson. "And thinking about it might give me nightmares."

The news of the accusation against Beam has disappointed Steelers fans.

"We all heard the stories around town about him being gay," said Steelers fan Sheila Krzyznski at a downtown deli today. "And that's fine. Pittsburgh has come a long way with that sort of thing. But it's wrong to force yourself on another person, straight or gay. And especially on the Indian, after all we have put those people through in this country."

A caller into a Pittsburgh sports radio station says the team should immediately part ways with Beam.

"We should trade him or release him," said one irate caller. "Enough is a enough. If our mascot is assaulting people at gay bars, how can we keep saying this organization is any better than all the other teams with gay, raping mascots?"

While McBeam has been questioned, Pittsburgh police are also seeking to speak to former Steelers coach Bill Cowher.

"Coach Cowher meets much of the description of the alleged assailant," said police chief Palambo. "We will have to examine him to see if he does, in fact, have a stuffed, cotton-poly blend penis. And even though I'm pretty sure he doesn't, I've always wanted to meet Coach Cowher, so I'm pretty psyched. I'm hoping he'll autograph a football for me."

[Manfred]

Geil! :cheerleader:

[Fordpaule]

Ja, ne, is klar!

[packerpeter]

..einen hab ich noch ;-) oder mehr:

April 23rd 2010
Draft expert fired for publishing several inaccurate mock drafts
CBSsports.com writer Pete Prisco was fired by the website today for publishing a series of mock drafts in the weeks leading up to the NFL Draft that turned out to be fraught with errors. “We hold our writers to a high standard and Pete’s recent work was wildly inaccurate,” said CBSsports.com managing editor Dave Dambrow. “I mean, more than half of his last mock draft turned out to be wrong. More than half! And Jimmy Clausen to the 49ers? The guy didn’t even go in the first round. That’s just terrible. We’re journalists. Our readers expect facts from us.” Prisco said he is sorry for the inaccuracy of his mock drafts, but stressed to management that he did his best to get it right. "I’ve been publishing a new mock draft approximately every seven hours since February,” said Prisco. “I’ve done 1,329 mock drafts in that time. I’m sure that one of those in there somewhere along the way was pretty close to being right. It's basic statistics."

[packerpeter]

den find ich eigentlich noch besser ;-)

April 23rd 2010
Broncos Draft Motivational Mascot Tim Tebow
The Denver Broncos provided the shock of the first round of the NFL Draft, using the 25th pick of the draft to select an inspirational mascot: Tim Tebow. It's the first time a team has taken a mascot in the history of the draft.

"I just want to work hard and be a role model," said Tebow. "I want to do whatever is asked of me and just show my passion for the game of football and for this team."

The San Diego Chicken himself couldn't have said it better. And Tebow will follow through. He is expected to sell tons of merchandise, get casual fans throughout the Rockies interested in the Broncos, and also appear at numerous charity and community events.

"We didn't think there were any guaranteed star players available at No. 25 so we decided to go this route," said Broncos team president Pat Bowlen. "It was either bring in Tebow or get a dance team. We decided Tebow was the best option. The insurance premiums on even a 10-girl dance team are pretty high. And most dance teams are 12 or 16 girls. Tim is just one mascot. And, who knows -- maybe we can teach him to dance, too."

But the Broncos think Tebow is more than just someone who fires up the fans -- they want him to make an impact on the field, too.

"I definitely think Tebow will help us on the field," said Broncos cornerback and team leader Champ Bailey. "Anything that get fans more into the game, gets them cheering louder -- that energy is passed down to us players. He can be like our new Barrel Man."

Head coach Josh McDaniels says he can't wait to get Tebow out on the field to see what he can do.

"I am so excited about this pick," he said. "Can you imagine it? Tebow dropping back to throw? That hilarious motion of his? Launching tee-shirts wildly into the crowd? It's going to be so awesome. And so funny. He will be an instant crowd favorite. Would I have liked a player who can come right in and play? Sure. But we play for the fans, and this pick is all for them."

[packerpeter]

Solange wir auf den Draftpick warten, kann man ja noch was Spass machen:

April 30th 2010
Eagles unveil Kevin Kolb statue outside Lincoln Financial Field
The Philadelphia Eagles took another step today to show their confidence in untested new starting quarterback Kevin Kolb, unveiling a massive, 75-foot tall bronze statue of the three-year backup outside of the main entrance to Lincoln Financial Field. "We have a lot of confidence in Kevin," said head coach Andy Reid. "And we want people to know that." At the base of the Kolb statue is a large sign that reads: "Kevin Kolb: The Greatest Philadelphia Eagle Ever." The team also announced it is changing the name of the quarterback position to The Kolb. "The statue is a huge honor for me," said Kolb. "It's probably the highlight of my career. Probably even more than any of my four career touchdown passes."

[Fordpaule]

Klasse! Einen Touchdown in "The Kolb" umbennen, wer kommt auf sowas?!